Vaccination Epiphany

I have been reading a book about childhood vaccinations. The amount of information that is held back from parents is astonishing. I have changed my entire outlook on vaccinations.

After seeing how much a small amount of artificial colour or flavour (gumball from machine) can do to my son, I am sickened to think of the amount of toxic chemicals I let the "medical establishment" inject into both my children when they were only months old.

I remember when my son was about five months old (and shortly after he had his 4 month vaccinations), he suddenly stopped going to sleep easily in his crib or bassinet. What followed was years of having to sleep with my son, lie down with him at night, get up with him through the night, etc. I wonder now if it was the vaccine that caused it.

The author of the book I'm reading accurately points out that we are injecting our children with massive amounts of toxins as well as a virus or five when their immune systems are only 2, 4, and 6 months old! What was I thinking? I did it with both my children!

Now I am pregnant with my third and my experiences with a medical establishment I've grown to distrust completely, prompted me to research vaccines. I don't give my kids anything anymore without researching it thoroughly.

The author also shows studies that demonstrate a clear correlation with a sudden and huge increase in learning disabilities, children with various disorders on the autism spectrum, and autoimmune diseases with the advent of more and more new vaccines.

Can you imagine if the government and the medical establishment admitted to the mass harm of children through mandatory vaccinations? It will never happen in my lifetime. Maybe when most of the people who pushed it through are dead and they can blame it on the ignorance of our ancestors.

In the meantime, due to overwhelming evidence, they had to allow parents the choice of whether to vaccinate or not. (And I will vaccinate, just not in the first year and then it will depend on the vaccination being offered - whether the illness is deadly if contracted, what the odds are of my child contracting that virus, whether the vaccine contains mercury or other identified toxic material that has been scientifically proven to harm the human body, whether the vaccine has been reported to increase the likelihood of a child developing autoimmune disorders, and so on.)

You know how they say "the personal is political"? Well, this is one of those times. Vaccine manufacturers are in the pockets of the politicians and the decision-makers. Mandatory or mass promotion of mass vaccinations makes them A LOT OF MONEY. More than most of us can ever imagine. Poisoning our children is big business. They are poisoned using vaccines, food additives, pesticides and more.

And we just blindly believe in our government to protect us. We blindly believe in the medical establishment to cure us. We blindly believe that it is a good thing to inject massive amounts of toxins and viruses into newborn babies - because we've been told to do it by those we blindly believe in.

Well, I'm not blind anymore.

And if you can believe this one. I had an even more profound epiphany as I read the section in the book about the Hepatitis B vaccination.

You see, shortly before I became disabled by chronic illness, I had two rounds of the combined Hep A and B vaccination. It was in preparation for my upcoming honeymoon. We didn't end up going on a tropical vacation, but I really wanted to, so I got prepared hoping that that was what we would do. (It was also a recommended vaccine to get in my line of work doing support in a transition house for women with substance abuse issues.)

Shortly after the first shot, I started to get chronic diarrhea that lasted about 5 or 6 weeks leading up to my wedding. I asked my doctor if it could be a side effect of the vaccine and he assured me that it definitely could not. (At that time I was still "blind" so I accepted his response and didn't think of it again.)

He didn't find any problems with my stool sample, so he called it "irritable bowel syndrome" and sent me on my way. I continued to have stomach problems all through the following weeks and into my honeymoon.

Within two weeks of my wedding, I became so ill, I could not function. Doctors couldn't figure out what was causing my heart-racing, dizziness, and fainting.

Well guess what. Hepatitis B has been associated with causing an autoimmune response where the body starts attacking itself. Gluten intolerance can also become an autoimmune disorder. They say it is usually an illness or shock that will trigger autoimmune disorders. In my case, I have no doubt now that it was the vaccination that caused me to become disabled.

You see, it's been shown that people with compromised immune systems should not get the Hep B vaccination. I didn't know it at the time, but I had been suffering with an inability to tolerate gluten my whole life. My immune system was working at full tilt just to deal with the foods I ate every day. Getting that shot fucked everything up! My immune system could not handle it!

I am torn on how I feel about it now. It was an excruciating year and a half that leaves me traumatized. I would never wish it on anyone. But so much good has come of it.

If I had not gotten the Hep B shot, I may have gone on for another decade or more being bloated and tired and burnt out and thinking this is how every one feels. I wouldn't have found the gluten intolerance issue. I wouldn't be eating so healthy now. I wouldn't have known to look for a food cause for my son's behavior problems (which also led to a solution). I would have gone on blindly believing in the medical establishment - exposing my children to harmful chemicals.

So much good has come of me getting sick. As the full picture begins to emerge - and this new understanding of why my illness took such a sudden and drastic turn for the worse - I actually feel a little less traumatized.

I could look back at my ignorance of the harms and the secrets that are being hidden by the government and the medical establishment about vaccinations and be angry at them. I could be angry at how they stole a year and a half of my life. I could be outraged that many organizations like the one I work for now actually REQUIRE Hep A and B vaccinations to work there. I could cry with relief to now know how this all happened to me.

But I do none of these things.

Instead I feel grateful. It was a year and a half of pure hell. But the benefits to myself and my children now are immeasurable and they will impact us for the rest of our lives. I now think it may have been worth the sacrifice.

Introducing...Me

I was a single mom for two years when my daughter was a toddler. Things were easier then as I lived in my parents basement and worked part-time as a dancer to make ends meet. This time, I have two kids - my daughter, 10 and my son, 5. And I am pregnant.

I separated from my son's father in November 2009 after a year and a half of being chronically ill and depending on him for survival. There came a day when I chose poverty over unhappiness, and I asked him to leave. In his heart, he'd already left, so it was just a matter of details after that.

The details of my poverty.

I asked him to support me for three months until I could get settled on social assistance. It was my only option at the time as I was too ill to work. Doctors were unable to help me. They couldn't figure out why I was sick, so they told me I needed counseling. Some were rude about it. Some were gentle and encouraging. I knew that my illness was not mental and continued to look for solutions. The doctors and my husband gave up on me. They assumed I was crazy and tried to ignore me as much as possible.

Two weeks after our separation, I visited the last doctor I ever wanted to see in my life. Another doctor who treated me like a hysterical woman. I was done with doctors.

Two days after that I broke my foot and had to go to the hospital. I limped for two blocks with my worried five year old son by my side, in excruciating pain to a place I hated. I felt quite alone that day.

The day after I broke my foot, I went on an "allergen-free" diet. The diet was just a whim to "create an environment of healing" as I'd rationalized it in my head. I had no idea it would free me from my hell and make me well. I was gluten intolerant and hadn't even known it. Within four days, I experienced a miraculous recovery unlike anything I'd ever heard of or read about before.

Thrilled with my new health, I stopped pursuing social assistance and started looking for a job. I couldn't work with a broken foot, though, so I didn't actually start working until the beginning of February - three months after my separation. My husband supported the children and I, as promised until February 1st. Then switched to an agreed upon child support. I was now on my own.

And I was making it! I quickly started two straight jobs for non-profit organizations working with street-based sex workers with concurrent disorders (mental health and addiction). On Friday nights, I worked as a private show dancer at a local strip club. Altogether, between these three, I got on my feet.

One of the jobs was a graveyard shift and I quickly realized that this early in my recovery from gluten intolerance, I could not stomach graveyard shifts. So I regretfully resigned from that one. The other straight job seemed like a dream come true until, on my fifth shift, one of the residents of the transition house I was working in assaulted me.

It was sudden, unprovoked, and caught on camera. I went on worker's compensation for whiplash and took a few weeks off to recover. When my neck and back were better, I still did not feel safe to return to that particular program where the woman who assaulted me still lived. So I was trained at another house where much fewer shifts were available, and continued to work as an exotic dancer in a non-contact club near my home.

For four months, I got by. It was "barely" sometimes. And I depended on the charity of others along the way. Two gentlemen I met online gave me money totaling $800 with no strings attached at a particularly low time. We struggled, the kids and I. And I had moments of despair, but my options were open and I continued to look for work.

In April, my husband came to me saying that he felt we could possibly reconcile and would I not try counseling with him. I admit that I've always found him hard to resist. So I left behind the other men in my life that I was "getting to know" and focused my attention on my son's daddy. About two weeks later, after years of using condoms, we had an accident. My husband paid for the morning after pill, and I put the experience behind me.

A week later, I could not fit into my corset. I thought the morning after pill was making me bloated and took some time off from dancing. The box said it could delay my period by up to three weeks. Four weeks later, I realized I was pregnant. And although I didn't need to, I purchased a pregnancy test for confirmation. I was pregnant.

Meanwhile, my husband and I were attending counseling but it didn't seem to be helping. Now unable to work as a dancer because of my full, round tummy which stuck out very early, and receiving very few shifts at my straight job, I was at my lowest financially, struggling to feed my children and pay my rent.

I am writing this blog to share my experiences with others. I am an outrageous mom, but I'm also an outraged mom.

I am outraged at the lack of support available to mom's and children in British Columbia, Canada in the year 2010. I am outraged at the state of health care in our province. I am outraged at how impossible it is to feed and shelter your kids in this day and age. And I'm outraged by how we are treated when we turn to the only options available to us - often sex work or crime - while we try to care for our children.

I also think there are a lot of great programs and services out there that need mentioning. I hope my blog educates, interests, and otherwise haunts you. May the feminist force be with you. ;)