Friday, November 19, 2010

Why Pregnancy is Better When You're Single

I've experienced pregnancy with two different partners and I've spent the last seven months pregnant and single. So I have had three experiences of pregnancy. And I can tell you in all honesty, that being pregnant and single has been the best experience of the three by far. Let me tell you why...

  1. One less person to clean up after. During the first and third trimesters, we are often very tired. Having less laundry and less dishes is a godsend. You also don't feel any resentment because you're not cleaning up after another grown adult.
  2. If you are feeling too tired to do the housework - no problem! There is no one there to ask you what you've been doing all day or why the kitchen is a mess. So you can put it off until you have more energy and not feel bad about it.
  3. Less stress. We are inundated by professionals and loved ones telling us that stress is bad for a pregnancy. Well, if there's no one there to argue with, there is a lot less stress. I choose the temperature in my house. I choose the channel on my TV. I make all the little decisions and don't have to defend my decisions to anyone so I have less stress being single and pregnant than I did in my other pregnancies.
  4. You don't have to watch another person do all the things you cannot do because you're pregnant. For instance, no one is drinking beer in front of you on a regular basis or going out to parties you're too tired to attend. (There is the side benefit of not having to *smell* a person who is drinking beer and going to parties, as the pregnancy nose is very sensitive and offended easily.)
  5. Need to fart but worried it will smell like rotten eggs as pregnancy farts often do? No worries! Fart away! There is no one there that you need to save from the flatulence that is out of your control. Well, maybe your kids. But you changed their diapers, so they can just deal with it.
  6. Hello pillows! You have the whole bed to yourself! Sleeping during pregnancy is difficult at the best of times. But if you're single, you can pile up pillows for every body part making what sleep you do get as comfortable as possible. You also will not have your insomnia worsened by a snoring partner (with beer breath - even worse!). And you do not have to worry about weird noises you make due to the baby putting pressure on your diaphragm keeping your partner awake either.
  7. Sex during pregnancy can be uncomfortable and less enjoyable than un-pregnant sex. But self-obtained orgasms aren't uncomfortable at all! Since your sex drive is high, being single when pregnant is ideal because you can masturbate more often (due to your increased privacy) and you don't have to have sex with your massive, uncooperative pregnant body. So break out the vibrator! You deserve it!
  8. No dream guilt. You know all those hot dreams about a variety of men that you have when you're pregnant? Why do they often involve your partner's friends or your ex-lovers? Or your partner's friends' ex-lovers? Well, no need to feel guilty about it if you're single. You can dream about anyone your subconscious desires and use it later for fantasy masturbation material.
  9. No one to witness your emotional outbursts. Your pregnancy can be truly smooth and wonderful, but you will not escape the occasional irrational, emotional outburst. Fluctuating hormones are to blame, but it's still embarrassing when it happens. However, if you're single, the only ones who see your outbursts are your kids. Tell them it's just because you're pregnant and they write it off happily. Kids also have uncontrollable emotional outbursts due to their emotional immaturity. So they can relate and don't hold it against you.
  10. And last but not least - when you're single, you can send the kids to their dad's on the weekends! When you're in a relationship, there is no "night alone" or "time to yourself" during pregnancy. Even if you do manage to send the kids off to a family member or friend for the weekend, you still have to be with your partner. Having nights or weekends to myself has been a wonderful perk of separating from my children's dads. I am able to recoup, rest up, and be a better mother when they come home to me. This is a luxury I never had while living with the fathers of my children.
So there you have it. Pregnancy is better when you're single. I would say the only disadvantage to being pregnant and single is financial, as it's difficult to work and care for a brood of children all on your own at the best of times. Getting a job is even more difficult pregnant. And social assistance does not cover the expenses of taking care of a family.

I am fortunate because I have work until the baby is here, and I'm getting into subsidized housing so my rent will be manageable very soon.

Life couldn't be better!

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