Parking Ticket Outside the Foodbank

I've been involved in advocacy and activism all my life but for the past ten years, it's been my passion and my focus outside of mothering. I've been a spokesperson on the rights of exotic dancers and other adult entertainers. I've worked in transition houses for women (as well as men and youth) fleeing violence, coping with addictions, struggling with homelessness, and suffering from mental health conditions. Many of whom fit the criteria of "all of the above."

I've also been involved in health and safety work, political lobbying, ethical research of marginalized populations and more. I have a keen eye for injustice. And when something happens that just isn't right, I see it. I feel it. And I want to do something about it.

But until recently, much of that "stuff" wasn't really happening to me. I'd had enough of the "above mentioned" experiences to relate and understand. But until I was so sick that I couldn't speak for myself or defend myself, I did not know what it was like to be so silenced. Until I was so poor that I was contemplating every possible source of money to feed my children, I did not know what it was like to be so desperate.

It is a whole other thing to speak for yourself than to speak for another. When we defend others, we know that what we are saying cannot be disputed. We know that we are unequivocally correct in our assessment of injustice. But I have found, that at least for me, when I speak for myself, I am uncertain, ashamed, and intimidated. It is very hard to speak for myself.

I've got to do it when I'm really mad and outraged. Because once that anger wears off, I become complacent. I am much more likely to accept abuse than to fight it when the abuse is occurring to me.

Having said all this, there *was* a day recently when I was mad and outraged enough to speak for myself. That was the day I got a parking ticket outside the food bank.

It was my own fault. The previous week had been my first week using the services of the Foodbank. As I'd pulled up, I saw that the parking lot was full and most of the parking on the street was also full. There was one side of the street that was conspicuously open. Looking closer, I saw that it was pay parking, so I turned around and parked down the street outside a strip mall for free.

This week, I pulled up to the foodbank with my head full of who-knows-what and the two kids fighting in the back seat. I looked up and saw the green circle around the "P" on the sign and thought we were good to go. I pulled in, got the kids out and went to stand in line. The lineup was very long and we had to walk to the back of the parking lot to stand at the end. We did not see the parking police give us a ticket while we waited for close to an hour to get our food.

After picking up the few groceries we could use on our restricted, gluten-free diet, we went back to the car and just as we pulled out, I noticed the ticket on my window.

I was instantly upset. I had maybe $15 worth of groceries from the food bank. I also had a $35 parking ticket. I couldn't hold it in. I may have cursed out loud in front of my kids, I don't remember. But I do remember that I screeched, ranted, then cried my eyes out in front of my kids. And they sat there noiselessly, not knowing what to say.

It was my own fault. The previous week and the parking sign came back into my mind. The fact that I was the only car parked on that side of the street should have given me a clue. But what was so much worse was that I was using the foodbank because I was so broke. The last thing I needed was a parking ticket. This ticket essentially negated the groceries I had come for. I could have gone to the store and bought the things I preferred rather than wasting an hour of my day for a handful of items I might not have picked if I'd had a choice.

Underneath all my self-reproof and frustration was anger. How could they be ticketing people outside the foodbank. And not just any old foodbank day, but this was the day for pregnant mothers and mothers of children under one year old. We are the poorest families in our community.

My home only being a short distance from the foodbank, I was still wiping away tears and taking deep breaths by the time I walked in the door. Before I even put away the groceries, I walked over to the computer and googled the City of Surrey. I found a very convenient link that allows Surrey citizens to send emails to the mayor and all the city councilors at once.

This is the letter I sent:

To: Mayor and Council
Subject: Parking ticket outside of food bank
Message: Hi there,

I am recently new to using the food bank. A single mom, with two kids and pregnant, I have been unable since separating from my husband in November to secure a consistent paycheque.

I have to say that I am extremely disturbed and disappointed that I received a parking ticket outside of the food bank today. Because my children and I are gluten intolerant, we can barely use any of the food offered to us as it is.

I realize it was my mistake. When I read the sign, I only read the times for parking and did not realize it was pay parking. There are no parking meters and the sign has a green circle, which I interpreted as available parking.

My mistake has cost me $35 and basically negates having stood in a long line up for very few groceries.

I wonder how can a bylaw officer and the city of surrey live with themselves after ticketing people who are standing in a food bank line up. Our income is checked, we are clearly low income people.

I went on a particular day - Wednesday - which is for pregnant mothers and mothers with children under 1 year of age. So, essentially, your bylaw officers are preying on the lowest income mothers of our community.

I accept that I should have read the sign better and I will most definitely not make that mistake in the future. But I am truly disgusted that in a community that I am usually proud to live, bylaw officers are ticketing the poorest community members.

My children had to see me break down because of it. You don't know what it's like to lose $35 because of an honest mistake. You don't know what it's like to stand in a food bank line up. You don't know what it's like to not know how you will pay your rent this month, nevermind pay a ticket you got while standing in a foodbank line up.

Admittedly, I was a little melodramatic in the last paragraph. But I’d worked myself up by that point in the letter writing. (lol) I spent the next few days in regret for sending the letter, thinking how it had been my mistake and I quickly sent off a cheque for the lesser amount if paid within 7 days.

Saturday morning, however, I received a phone call from one of the city councilors. Gosh I wish I remembered her name! She said she'd been reading my email over breakfast and she agreed with me. Then she said she would try to get my ticket absolved.

True to her word, I received a call that week from the Bylaw people. They didn't apologize. They didn't admit wrongdoing. But they sent me back my cheque. I thought that was very nice of them.

Hopefully they will refrain from ticketing outside the foodbank - especially on "pregnancy-brain" day when the expecting mothers congregate for food for their families.

It just goes to show that we need to speak for ourselves. We need to stand up for the rights of not only others, but ourselves! Most of the time no one else is going to do it for us. It's up to us. And if we're lucky, we may even benefit from it, like I did with my parking ticket. You just never know. xo

Options Community Services Society, Surrey, BC

Despite my generally negative opinion of Sage Midwifery, I must thank one of the midwives there, Janine, from the bottom of my heart for connecting me with Options Community Services Society.

From the first phone call I received, I have had nothing but a wonderful and beneficial experience with them. The program that I am involved with is called "Healthiest Babies Possible" and it is offered to pregnant moms until their newborns are six months old.

Here are some of the reasons I highly recommend this organization (or at least this particular program within the organization):

• They have a dietician on staff who makes house calls! This was a Goddess-send for me and my gluten intolerant family. I was particularly concerned about becoming pregnant only 6 months into my recovery from severe and debilitating gluten intolerance symptoms. The dietician came to my home and offered lots of advice - telling what I was doing right, what I could be doing better, and generally putting my concerns to rest. (Incidentally, the dietician who handled my file is also gluten intolerant, as is the woman who phoned me in the first place to ask what kinds of services I would be interested in. How convenient is that?!)
• They provide free lunches in different locations throughout each month. During the free lunches, there is also a themed educational component and discussion period before lunch is actually served. Present at the lunches are dieticians, counsellors, nutritionists, and other worthwhile support people for pregnant mothers. The lunch is also very child friendly. I have been to one lunch so far. My over-active son was not once scolded by any participants or facilitators - much to my relief and enjoyment. My gluten intolerance was taken into consideration and an individual plate made for each my son and I that did not include items with gluten in them. Because we stayed until the end, we also got to take home leftovers -which for that particular week really saved my family. We were out of money and low on food. It couldn't have come at a better time. They also gave out $10 grocery cards - another much appreciated gift for my family during this time of struggle. The lunches also offer free baby clothes on site which I plan to take advantage of in the future, now that I know the sex of my unborn child. :)
• I was assigned a "counsellor" who also makes house calls! This whole "house-call" thing is amazing for a busy single mom who has no gas in her car and is saving would-be bus fare for groceries. My counsellor (her name is Jill) is incredibly awesome. I didn't think I would need her for emotional support, but lo and behold, during a conversation about housing I became very emotional and poured my heart out to her. She was very understanding and helpful and she is doing all that she can to support my search for affordable housing. I love you, Jill!
• Each home visit I've had, I was presented with informative pamphlets on subjects of interest to me pertaining to pregnancy. I've received forms for housing that I didn't know existed. And I have also been given...yes, another $10 grocery card. Because I am working now, I am saving up my gift cards for after the baby is born and finances are much scarcer. I cannot express the degree of gratitude I feel for this small but significant gesture. I go to the food bank but they do not have very much to offer that is gluten-free, so having the extra grocery money to accommodate my family's restricted diet is literally life-saving.
• They call you to remind you of the lunches! I expressed that I would most likely attend the lunches that are closest to my house. Every two weeks, the day before that lunch is offered, I get a phone call from the organization reminding me. I think that is just such a wonderful and proactive service and I commend the organization for doing it.
• They give me free prenatal vitamins and with a doctor's note about the low iron, I can also receive free iron supplements. If you have to buy iron supplements and you're low income, you'll know why I think this is so incredibly awesome. Iron is EXPENSIVE!

I'm sure I will think of more things to add to this review, but the general gist of it is - OPTIONS ROCKS! I have worked for many non-profit organizations and accessed many services through others, but never have I had the pleasure of participating in such a well-run, well-thought-out, compassionate, and truly beneficial program as this one. Kudos to the program creators. Your karma is secure. ;) xoxo

Sage Midwifery, Surrey BC Canada

My first appointment with Sage Midwifery went very well. I met Gillian and she was fantastic. I think it would be breaking confidentiality for me to tell you why I like her - details she shared with me about people in her life who had experienced similar health issues as I had. I'm sure I can say that she had a general warmth about her. When I told her that I experienced low iron problems when my ferritin levels were low, she seemed to believe me and acknowledged it. However, she either did not write it down or the other midwives chose to ignore it. But I digress.

My next appointment was with Rosemary. She conducted my "internal examination." I have to admit it was a bit weird having a complete stranger perform the exam. I usually at least know the doctor or midwife from previous appointments. But I'm not shy and Rosemary was absolutely charming. I instantly adored her. She shared personal stories that made me feel like I - and my children - were in good hands. All of my children (not just the one I was currently carrying).

One thing that bothered me a bit during my appointment with Rosemary, was that my children - aged 5 and 10 - were left in a room with a movie to watch while I was in the nurses office. The TV that is used for kids videos is placed precariously on an un-sturdy table that could be knocked over very easily.

I don't consider this safe at all, as the children are left alone in the room. They are told to be careful and not touch the TV, thereby putting the responsibility on the children for their own safety (as well as the safety of the TV set). I was nervous to leave my son as he tends to be rambunctious and rebellious.

The last midwife I went to had toys and books in the waiting room, where the receptionist was on hand to assist them if needed. I much prefer that setup to the one at Sage Midwifery.

At 12 weeks, I phoned the office with concerns about the amount and strength of the fetal movement I was feeling. I spoke with Gillian and she said it could mean my dates are off or maybe I'm having twins.

My next experience was with Debbie. At 14 weeks, for about four days, I actually felt the baby move from the outside. I'd heard of this occurring with other women due to twins or placenta placement.

I phoned the office again expressing my concerns. Specifically, I wanted to know if I was having twins or if this should be something to be concerned about. Debbie phoned me back and was quite abrupt with me on the phone. She told me flat out that I couldn't possibly be feeling that much movement at 14 weeks.

I was appalled. I thought I'd chosen a midwifery practice for the main reason of avoiding medical professionals who treat you like you know nothing about your own body. And I said as much: "I have had two children before and I know what it feels like when they're moving inside me. Just because it's something you've never come across before does not mean that it doesn't happen."

Debbie apologized and offered for me to come into the clinic to be measured if I liked. I accepted the invitation, adding that I had been feeling especially tired and lightheaded and believed that my iron might be low.

At the clinic, Debbie was very nice and apologized for the disagreement on the phone. She measured me and assured me that my measurements, so far, did not indicate I was having twins. I thanked her, then mentioned again the tiredness and lightheadedness. (I've been struggling with low iron since going gluten free and I recognized the symptoms.)

Debbie assured me that my "hemoglobin levels were fine" and therefore I could not possibly be low iron. (She was referring to tests that had been done eight weeks previous.) I explained how I became symptomatic when my ferritin was low. I was already taking an iron supplement that I'd been on before getting pregnant, but hadn't increased the dosage.

Debbie assured me that all pregnant women feel tired and lightheaded at this stage of pregnancy. And she sent me on my way.

Over the next few weeks, I became more tired and more lightheaded. I was struggling through each day. People would say it was because of my age or because I was tired from caring for my out-of-control son on top of being old and pregnant. But I knew it was not normal. I had been pregnant twice before. And before THIS pregnancy began, I had been feeling healthier and more energized than I ever had in my life.

I waited until my next midwife appointment - this time with Janine - and brought up my concerns again. Janine was a little different. I didn't know what to make of her. She just sat there and nodded her head at me while I explained my symptoms. She hemmed and hawed. Then she said nothing. I did not feel heard or taken seriously at all. But I wasn't sure. She was just too hard to read. I also got the feeling my kids irritated her. Not the kind of feeling I expect in a midwifery office.

But Janine did something really amazing. She referred me to a program in Surrey called Options - Healthiest Babies Possible. (A really fantastic service that I will write a review about as well.)

Janine did not send me for tests. I wonder if there was a note in my file from Debbie that said: "Annie thinks she is low iron but she's not. Just humour her." At least, that's how it felt. I left the office feeling deflated and irritated. But my next appointment would be with Gillian. I thought she would likely take me seriously.

The problem was that the appointments are every five weeks, and I was getting worse. I knew something was wrong and finally decided to go see my doctor. He sent me for tests, and sure enough, my ferritin levels came back "9" which is low even on the lab results continuum. I am known to be symptomatic when my levels are at 21.

My doctor prescribed me to take double the iron supplements I was currently on and increase my B12 Folate supplement that he also had me on. I took his advice. Later that week, I went to the midwife office and told them about the lab tests so they could order them in. I explained my doctor's advice and left.

The secretary passed on my message to Debbie, I guess. Because about an hour or two later, when they'd received my test results from the lab, Debbie rang me up. This time she was very upset and used an angry voice with me on the phone. She told me that my doctor was giving me "inappropriate care." That my hemoglobin levels were fine and if my ferritin levels were low, then we should find out why I'm not storing iron.

I told her that I am not a medical professional and do not understand what she's trying to tell me. I was merely going on doctor's orders, and he being the only doctor I'd ever found who had helped me feel better.

Debbie went on to berate me for going to my doctor when I have hired a midwife for my prenatal care. And when she was done getting it all off her chest, she told me she had an appointment to attend to.

I was flabbergasted. She called to confront me when she had an appointment coming in? She couldn't even wait till she had a few moments to chat?

Needless to say, I realized in that phone call that Debbie was the last person on earth that I wanted with me in a delivery room, and I fired the midwifery practice immediately.

It has been three weeks since I increased my iron, B12, and folic acid, and I feel fantastic! I am not tired or lightheaded. Debbie had told me that 75% of their clients had the same complaints. Now I wonder if everyone going to Sage Midwifery is walking around with low iron.

My recommendation? Wait until Gillian has her own practice, then go to her. But forget about Sage Midwifery. Too many midwives, not child friendly, and they don't know what they're doing when it comes to health.

Introducing...Me

I was a single mom for two years when my daughter was a toddler. Things were easier then as I lived in my parents basement and worked part-time as a dancer to make ends meet. This time, I have two kids - my daughter, 10 and my son, 5. And I am pregnant.

I separated from my son's father in November 2009 after a year and a half of being chronically ill and depending on him for survival. There came a day when I chose poverty over unhappiness, and I asked him to leave. In his heart, he'd already left, so it was just a matter of details after that.

The details of my poverty.

I asked him to support me for three months until I could get settled on social assistance. It was my only option at the time as I was too ill to work. Doctors were unable to help me. They couldn't figure out why I was sick, so they told me I needed counseling. Some were rude about it. Some were gentle and encouraging. I knew that my illness was not mental and continued to look for solutions. The doctors and my husband gave up on me. They assumed I was crazy and tried to ignore me as much as possible.

Two weeks after our separation, I visited the last doctor I ever wanted to see in my life. Another doctor who treated me like a hysterical woman. I was done with doctors.

Two days after that I broke my foot and had to go to the hospital. I limped for two blocks with my worried five year old son by my side, in excruciating pain to a place I hated. I felt quite alone that day.

The day after I broke my foot, I went on an "allergen-free" diet. The diet was just a whim to "create an environment of healing" as I'd rationalized it in my head. I had no idea it would free me from my hell and make me well. I was gluten intolerant and hadn't even known it. Within four days, I experienced a miraculous recovery unlike anything I'd ever heard of or read about before.

Thrilled with my new health, I stopped pursuing social assistance and started looking for a job. I couldn't work with a broken foot, though, so I didn't actually start working until the beginning of February - three months after my separation. My husband supported the children and I, as promised until February 1st. Then switched to an agreed upon child support. I was now on my own.

And I was making it! I quickly started two straight jobs for non-profit organizations working with street-based sex workers with concurrent disorders (mental health and addiction). On Friday nights, I worked as a private show dancer at a local strip club. Altogether, between these three, I got on my feet.

One of the jobs was a graveyard shift and I quickly realized that this early in my recovery from gluten intolerance, I could not stomach graveyard shifts. So I regretfully resigned from that one. The other straight job seemed like a dream come true until, on my fifth shift, one of the residents of the transition house I was working in assaulted me.

It was sudden, unprovoked, and caught on camera. I went on worker's compensation for whiplash and took a few weeks off to recover. When my neck and back were better, I still did not feel safe to return to that particular program where the woman who assaulted me still lived. So I was trained at another house where much fewer shifts were available, and continued to work as an exotic dancer in a non-contact club near my home.

For four months, I got by. It was "barely" sometimes. And I depended on the charity of others along the way. Two gentlemen I met online gave me money totaling $800 with no strings attached at a particularly low time. We struggled, the kids and I. And I had moments of despair, but my options were open and I continued to look for work.

In April, my husband came to me saying that he felt we could possibly reconcile and would I not try counseling with him. I admit that I've always found him hard to resist. So I left behind the other men in my life that I was "getting to know" and focused my attention on my son's daddy. About two weeks later, after years of using condoms, we had an accident. My husband paid for the morning after pill, and I put the experience behind me.

A week later, I could not fit into my corset. I thought the morning after pill was making me bloated and took some time off from dancing. The box said it could delay my period by up to three weeks. Four weeks later, I realized I was pregnant. And although I didn't need to, I purchased a pregnancy test for confirmation. I was pregnant.

Meanwhile, my husband and I were attending counseling but it didn't seem to be helping. Now unable to work as a dancer because of my full, round tummy which stuck out very early, and receiving very few shifts at my straight job, I was at my lowest financially, struggling to feed my children and pay my rent.

I am writing this blog to share my experiences with others. I am an outrageous mom, but I'm also an outraged mom.

I am outraged at the lack of support available to mom's and children in British Columbia, Canada in the year 2010. I am outraged at the state of health care in our province. I am outraged at how impossible it is to feed and shelter your kids in this day and age. And I'm outraged by how we are treated when we turn to the only options available to us - often sex work or crime - while we try to care for our children.

I also think there are a lot of great programs and services out there that need mentioning. I hope my blog educates, interests, and otherwise haunts you. May the feminist force be with you. ;)